When a marriage is meant to last, not all are healthy. Some will take you to an early grave and you will be mourned for a few days and things will go back to normal and the same people who came to your burial will attend your spouse’s wedding with his new catch.
Yes , no marriage is perfect. There are some things that one could tolerate from their husband or wife but there are some marriages that one needs to walk away for a better you. It’s your choice.
1. A violent spouse
Well, you could choose to stay on, in such a marriage but you should know you are nobody’s punching bag. This kind of man does not love you because if he did, he would not want to see you coil and cry as he throws blows and kicks at you.
He might be very apologetic after harming you, blaming you for provoking him or the devil in the alcohol but truth is, he enjoys having that power over you. He was not sorry because he did it again and again, worse even in full view of your children.
You could plan your exit if he his behaviour does not not seem to change. Walk away without turning back because you will die under the hands of that vicious man. You were not destined to be someone’s drum.
2. The cheater
These kind of spouses stopped caring about you the day they cheated on you. Like the violent one, they blame you for pushing them away to the hands of another lover. Or they blame the other woman with “I am just a man” excuse.
The other kind of cheater will deny, deny ,deny even when you catch him banging on the sofa set with the househelp. He will cry on your knees and chase the other ‘slut’ away from your face. But you don’t know that for insulting her in front of you, he will have to buy her a gift for her and they will reconcile.
This type loves no one but themselves. They love to boast to their friends about how they are playing you. They will try and justify that as wife, you are the first priority but they are just happy there is someone unwise enough to condone his BC.
It’s your choice to leave or stay. But think of your self respect, venereal diseases and heartaches. No, that saying about it raining everywhere is wrongly used. The rain is good, it makes plants grow. Think about it.
3. The roommate
You say he is your husband but you both know he is not. Reason, no conjugal rights. He stopped desiring you a long time ago and your whines are seen as whore-y.
You and him are just there for the sake of the kids and yet as you smile warmly during the day to hoodwink everyone that everything is alright, your bed is cold at night, yet there is somebody in it next to you,like a dead body, useless.
A woman in love can endure a dry spell caused by medical reasons, he could be unwell and can’t perform but there is this selfish one, with working tools but for a reason or the other will not perform for you.
You sleep shivering, asking yourself where the rain started beating you two, wondering whether he doesn’t see you sexy anymore, why he drops on the bed and starts snoring immediately and his dog will not bark no matter how lovingly you try to pet it.
Talk to him. It’s the 21st century and women are not docile creatures any more. Tell him your needs are not being met. Don’t hate yourself because you are not desirable in your husband’s eyes. If you don’t feel sexy yourself, start working for that sexy back. If nothing works, well, decide.
4. The stingy one
With this one, he will rarely throw even a penny at your side. His mantra is always “I have no money” while yours is “Where does he take his money?” Kwani huwa anapeleka pesa zake wapi?
Woe unto you if you have no source of income because your hair might as well be clean shaven. He will not see the necessity of your salon visit.
He could be so stingy that when he decides to give you some money, he wants you to account for every penny and when he sends you to buy something at the local shop, he stretches his hand for the change of the few coins. And if you find some money in his pocket while washing his trousers, he can’t wait to get home to ask for it.
If you are earning, you are not as lucky because he will leave you to do everything in the house, and when he gets really broke, he starts planning on your salary.
Most times you have fuelled the car for him to get to work and almost all the clothes he clads were bought by you. The children would still be home for school fees were it not for you paying it on time.
Two things here to choose; be content with your situation or plan how you will have your own money if you are not earning. You could choose to get a job or make money in business. Whatever path you choose, what makes you happy matters the most.
5. The loud mouth
The loud mouth can drain you emotionally. He talks too much about his wife to everyone who cares to listen.
He exposes his wife’s weaknesses to all and sundry , talks about his in laws and even his own children.
When he is on bad terms with his wife, everyone knows because he will keep announcing that he wants to go home late to avoid his puffed up wife and her noise.
This man makes silly jokes about his wife even in her presence and continues to harp on her idiosyncrasies shamelessly.
When a small problem occurs at the house, he runs to social media for help. His social media posts are always “My wife did this and this…what should I do?”
Unless you are of the same kind, such a spouse is depressing. In marriage, one should hide their spouse’s weaknesses. It is good to talk to him about his loud gab. Such a person will make you the laughing stalk of the society. To change him, seek help from a person of good influence to talk to him man to man, if you still want to be with him.
6. Mummy’s boy
Every decision made in that house has been given a nod by mother in law. Mummy’s boy will listen to his wife on an issue and then will ask you to give him time to think. He is not thinking! He is consulting mummy!
This man adores the thought of his mum coming to stay with his family. If she cannot, then he visits her every week religiously, no matter the distance.
Mummy’s boy shares more secrets with his mother than he does with his wife. The mother is the first to know of his promotion, the death of a colleague, etc
When the wife falls pregnant, he will convince her to take his mum’s concoctions to stop the nausea because mum knows best. And when the baby gets born, if mum says shave baby’s hair, feed baby at four months, then it must be done.
Some wives with such husbands decide to be headstrong especially on very sensitive decisions, others just don’t want to fight with mothers in-law and they obey dutifully. Others have just packed and left. The decision is yours.
7. The narcissist
You simply will never do right around this man. He will always see faults in what you do.
The narcissistic husband wants you to think that you are worthless and that him having you is a big favour to you. He will make you think that no one else could want you but him.
This one knows your fears and he will capitalise on them. For instance , he will continuously comment on how scary you look with your thin figure or how disgusting your plump body looks. He will demean you with comments such as , “You make people’s stomachs churn with your bad make up,” Or “How can you be comfortable in a dress that reveals your ugly body like that, change it!”
If you want to try your hand in business, or further education, he will belittle you for even thinking about it. “What makes you think you will suceed on this one? You failed miserably in the last trial.” “At your age will you understand anything in school?”
The truth is , the narcissistic spouse is scared of your strengths. He knows that you can conquer the world. He envies your confidence, beauty and intelligence. He is so worried about losing you because of his inadequencies . Stand strong and don’t allow anyone to demean you. No matter how many times you fall, stand up and try again.
8. The long distance husband
This one comes to your home, full of goodies for you and the children. Some will even come with nothing but their presence and expect you to cook a meal fit for a king for him.
He uses the work card to disappear again and when he does, you will always be the one calling to know how he is doing, informing him of the children’s welfare. Unless the children ask to talk to him, he will not call them.
He is so unbothered to invite his family to his house even for a weekend and it’s not a surprise that his wife does not even know where he lives or where he works. All she knows is that he works in a big company.
If the wife knows where her husband works and lives, he has made it very clear that she should call first before she comes over.
Long distance marriages do not work like that. Spouses should call each other often. They grab every opportunity they have to visit each other. The neighbours know his family and all his colleagues address her as Mrs Him. If one side is reluctant to communicate or visit or be visited, then red flag there! There is something that you should know but he does not want you to know!
9. The creep
Pity on a woman with such a man.
The creepy husband is mysterious. His wife does not understand the man in her life.
The creep has only one friend who is as creepy as he is and they spent most of the times together discussing issues in secret. They have no jobs but they always have money with them.
Then there is the sexual creep who is always with his phone scrolling funny websites. You guts whisper that the guy is not right. He likes to stay alone on the dark and you have found out that he likes to please himself even with you being there for him. His unusual sexual demands are something else.
10. The beer man
This is the order of the day in many homes. A drunk man.
He has dreams laid all over for his wife and his family but they never seem to take off because of the bottle.
The children of this man have applied for all the funds available ;bursary fund, disaster fund, widowers fund, etc Ironically, people who earn even less than the beer man are doing better than this family.
The beer man comes home late after drinking sprees, wakes everyone up, even the neighbours, and barks louder than the family dog convincing his drunk self how of a rich man he will be one day.
His wife has threatened to leave so many times and in those times he has promised to change but he still goes back to his first love, the bottle.
His breath stinks of alcohol even when he is not inebriated. His eyes are always glassy and blood shot and his hands tremor when he lacks a drink.
Well, hugs mum.
Fact is, no one should tell you how to handle your marriage. You can choose to stay or leave . You chose your spouse without anyone’s aid so you need no aid in making decisions such as leaving him.
But your health matters, mental health, physical health and even financial health. Bad marriages have caused stress related health problems. As stated in the article’s opening paragraph, don’t send yourself to an early grave. Choose happiness, contentment and a stress-free environment.