A life without caution

“She has aborted three times!” A statement on everyone’s lips. It was true, what they said about Celine. She had confided in the wrong person, who had been too eager to spill it out to all and sundry.

She was weak, even though her face did not show it, the judging gossipmongers were making her life miserable.

A first year pursuing B.Com should be excited at starting her course, but for Celine it wasn’t so.

There was pain mixed with guilt. She felt it deep in her veins, tearing through her internal organs. Regret burnt her up. And the harsh critics reminded her over and over that she was destined for hell.

She walked through the stabbing eyes of curious university students along the corridors of the hostels. Everywhere she turned, they stopped what they were doing and stared at her. She walked, expecting that her knees would fail her anytime and she would collapse and cause an uproar amongst them.

But her knees did not fail her. She got to her door. She took out the key and unlocked it. She was happy her roommate hadn’t arrived yet, probably out with her boyfriend Don.

Her happiness was shortlived. There they were, the two lovebirds bonking as if their lives depended on it. Violetta’s eyes were closed as she moaned in exaggerated pleasure, as Don humped into her with elephantine might.

“Yea, you want it like this…huh? Like this! Yea baby? You like it? Say you like it?” He groaned as she matched his enthusiasm with muffled screams and contortions of erotic ecstasy.

It was more humorous to Celine than exciting. She did not know when the chuckle escaped her mouth. Don jumped off his girlfriend and hid his body under the sheets. They were like two kids who had been caught dipping their hands in the cookie jar.

“Celine, can’t you knock for heaven’s sake!” Vio asked agitatedly.

“Sorry I ruined your moment of joie de vivre. I am tired and I need to rest.” Celine said. The two watched as she climbed up her bed. With that mood, they couldn’t convince her to hang around at the corridors for a while as they finished up their bedminton.

“Mscheeeew! A murderer and now a pervert.” Vio whispered in her boyfriend’s ear. “I am sure she wants to watch us. We have to wait until she sleeps.”

They waited helplessly for her to fall asleep.

Celine knew they were waiting. She couldn’t sleep. She wanted to cry all night. She had kept her tears at bay for far too long. The days were becoming longer. It was time she let them flow. She started to snore loudly.

“She’s asleep, let’s continue.” Celine heard Don whisper.

“No let’s give her more time” Vio urged but Don was already fondling her and soon they were at it again.

Celine’s eyes stared at the ceiling. She couldn’t think with the shaking of the bed. She remembered how such acts of stupid pursuit of sexual gratification had cost her.

She wondered whether the two were using protection. Or was Don as cunning as her ex boyfriend who had preyed on her credulity when he craftily pulled off the condom as they went at it.

The tears flowed on both sides of her eyes. Three times she had conceived and three times she had gotten rid of the unborn babi…No she did not want to call them babies. The abortionists called them heavy lumps of blood. That was better, it made her feel less guilty.

She heard Don getting to a climax as Vio screamt to match his excitement. The bed jiggled dangerously and just as Celine was about to jump out in fear of it breaking, there was calm, but soft heaves of fatigue.

Celine remembered her first time. She had just finished her form four exams. The man or rather the boy, an agemate from a neighbouring school, was the one to do the job. She had given in to him not out of love but curiosity, to get that feeling that her experienced friends had so much glorified. But there was only pain.

One month later, she still hadn’t had her periods. She ran to her boyfriend with the news. She thought she was lucky to have him then, for he was quick to offer a solution. Together they went to a clinic in the local town.

The decent looking man clad in white laboratory coat with the tag ‘Dr Kuaki’ stuck conspicuously on the breast pocket, had asked her to lay on the high bed and spread her legs then he inserted three huge capsules into her. It wasn’t a painful experience, just shaming and uncomfortable.

“Also swallow this, four tablets three times a day for three days.” He had said. “They will push the lump of blood out. The capsules I inserted will open up your cervix and the blood will all be out within five days.”

They were out of his clinic in forty five minutes. She hugged her boyfriend goodbye. They both knew it was their last goodbye. Their interest for each other had dimished.

That night, she felt heavy cramps muscling in her tummy. She only slept a few hours to wake up to a pool of blood on her bed. It wasn’t just blood, there were chunks of meat, like fresh liver in her underwear.

Celine washed up , cleaned her bedsheets quickly before the househelp suspected a thing. Her parents always woke up early to avoid the traffic jam in order to get to their work stations in time.

The next few days had been silent hell for her, painful cramps followed by meaty blood. She prayed to God to help her survive through the ordeal, repenting and promising that she would never sin gain. Then as the abortionist had predicted, it was all done in five days and life went back to normal.

Celine joined university months later. The life in campus awed her. She wanted to fit in. She was a town girl after all. Only village girls wanted a boring life.

A third year student, Patrick alias Big Pat noticed her. Big Pat was a campus bigwig. He planned the biggest bashes, lived in a fully furnished one bedroom and would occasionally drive into the campus.

Rumours had it that he and his girlfriend of three years had broken up. Big Pat and Tasty Stacy like she liked to be called had an on and off relationship since they were freshers. She was the first runners up in the latest Miss University contest.

Big Pat had told Celine he was completey done with her this time after he caught Tasty Stacy in bed with his best friend.

He liked Celine’s swag, he said. He lavished her with gifts, gave her free tickets to his parties that saw her sit in the VIP corners. Every one agreed that Celine was the next Tasty Stacy. She was the younger version of the now old Stacy.

As expected, they had frequent sex sessions in his one bedroom. The first time with Big Pat had only hurt a little then she started to feel the pleasure her high school friends had talked about. She even forgot the promises she had made to God.

Missed periods. “Oh God, not again!” She exclaimed. She lied to Big Pat she was needed at home that weekend. Dr Kuaki was the only abortionist she knew.

Dr Kuaki had grinned when he saw her again. He pointed at the bed and waited for her to spread her legs. He inserted the capsules. She felt more angry than embarrassed this time. He gave her the small envelope with the tablets in it.

“Take this four tablets three times  a day for three days, they will push the lump of bloo….” Dr Kuaki was saying.

“Please, I already know what happens next, take your money.” Celine said as she handed him the money that she had been sent as pocket money by her parents. He gave a loud satisfied laugh and called out for the next patient.

She went back to campus. It was late in the evening. Along the way she bought heavy sanitary pads in readiness of what was awaiting her.

For five days she suffered alone. She told Big Pat she had a bad case of food poisoning but was on medication. Violetta her roommate noticed she would leak blood on her clothes.

“I guess I am taking too much cocoa nowadays, huh!” Celine said, to pull wool over Vio’s eyes.

“Then don’t, you look so weak, you should see a doctor, your periods are not normal this time.” A concerned Vio said.

Celine nodded, “Thanks Vio for the concern. I will make a point of seeing a doc.” She said trying to smile. She couldn’t tell Vio she was aborting. It was her dark deep secret.

On the fifth day, Celine felt better. She was still sickly but that would go away with time if she ate a lot of green vegetables and lots of water as the doctor had asked.

That Friday, Big Pat came to see her. He always did but on this Friday he was in haste.

“It’s Sean’s birthday. We have a major bash arranged for him in my place.” He said.

Celine saw the excitement on his face. She knew how lonely he would get if she wasn’t there. Sadly, she knew that after five days of not warming his bed, Big Pat would easily fall into the seductive arms of another woman. She couldn’t afford to lose him.

“We are going with you babe!” She announced as she ran to her suitcase and changed into the skimpiest dress she had.

“Whooooo! Babe that dress will kill the men at the bash! Show them what my girl got. Let them drool babe! Yeeaaa!” He yelped.

The music was loud. The dancing had stopped, party animals had now paired. Some already mating. The air was smoky.

Like his friends, Big Pat wanted some but she kept saying No. The second abortion had instilled in her fear of reckless sex. He begged and begged for her to give in, caressing her but she pushing his hands away. He didn’t understand why she was saying No.

He gave up angrily and they sat beside each other without saying a word to each other. Finally they fell asleep in one of the couches and were woken up by hang-overed friends who announced that dawn had reached.

“Tell me what you hiding Celine. I can’t survive like this!” Big Pat bellowed. It was now the second week that Celine was denying him her cherry.

Celine was in a quagmire. She was afraid of stepping into Dr Kuaki’s clinic again. She was also in fear of losing her boyfriend.

“Ok, but please wear a condom.” She beseeched. Big Pat hated condoms, and even claimed that he was allergic to them. That he itched and developed rashes when he used them.

But he was desperate. He wondered why he had been so hooked to Celine that he would practically beg for her cookie while so many females out there were willing to give it to him. It was probably because she was a trophy girlfriend. He saw how men ogled at her.

“Big Pat, if you drop this one, I aint gonna let her hit the floor. I will fly to catch her and she is going to be my galfie! No hard feelings though! ” A member of his gang, Jaycie had told him.

Now she was asking that they use protection. He wondered whether she was cheating. She couldn’t have. He paid Violetta well to keep him informed of her moves. He even knew that her periods had kept her from seeing him even though she had lied she was sick.

“Ok, we will use protection. Here it is.” Big Pat said as he pulled from his drawers a packet. He wondered who on earth had designed condoms. He hated them. To him, it was like suckling a wrapped sweet.

In a moment of ecstasy, he pulled them out, they were causing him discomfort. Celine didn’t notice the quick surreptitious act. Big Pat was good at his job, hitting her high note.

Three weeks later, Tasty Stacy called her. She wanted a girl to girl talk. Celine said she wasn’t interested but Stacy insisted the meeting would benefit her.

Stacy had been told something about Celine by one of Big Pat’s friends that she thought Celine ought to know.

“Why would you want to help me Stacy, what is in it for you?” Celine asked.

Stacy did not tell her that she wanted Big Pat back to her life. Instead, she pretended to care, for a fellow girl.

“Girls don’t fight over men. Girls should have each other’s backs. And I moved on, Big Pat is now my past!” Stacy said.

Stacy then told her that Big Pat had confided to one of his friends that he always pulled off the condom while they were doing it. The friend had told Stacy who out of a good heart thought of telling Celine.

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“Oh My God, I can’t go through this again!” Celine whispered as the world around her revolved at the shocking news. Her guts told her Stacy was saying the truth. Big Pat had always been so against the rubber sheath that she knew he was capable of doing as Stacy accused him of.

Yet Celine’s guts failed to tell her that the last person she should confide in was Stacy. She told her of her fear of being pregnant again. Stacy offered to take her for a test. It was positive.

This time Celine had company as she went to Dr Kuaki’s clinic. Stacy waited for her outside the clinic as Celine got rid of yet another unborn. She did not need to be asked to lay on the bed. She spread her legs at the grinning doctor who did his quick job and extended her hands for the brown envelope of thirty six tablets. She paid from the loan Stacy had offered her.

Stacy asked her to stay at home this time or else the students at campus would know. It would be easier to lie to her parents than her friends, Stacy argued and Celine agreed. She was thankful to Stacy who offered to cover for her in case of anything at school.

“I will even do the random exams for you if they come unnotified. What are friends for?” Stacy offered even though she wouldn’t know what to write in a Commerce exam since she was pursuing Film.

When Celine got back from home , after five days, things were different.

First, Big Pat didn’t want to see her or even talk to her. Stacy was all over him calming him as she called him ‘babe.’ It was no secret that the two were back together.

The worst part was that everyone knew that she had come from aborting her third child. She saw writings on the wall, “Abortion is murder” or “Celine the Terminator” or “First year=three, fourth year=??”

She wanted to die from all the shame. She realized what a mistake she had made by confiding in a conniving Stacy.

Now she lay on the top bed of a double decker, two lovers on the lower bed whispering about her.



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