This is a question that most young women will ask, does he really love me? They want to be loved genuinely, not to be somebody’s play toy.
Well, here is a guidelist for you to use in deciding whether the man is a keeper or not.If he does any of these things, then sister, that’s a red flag for you. Turn around because danger lies ahead or decide to stay and change him, but the latter mostly never works.
1. He never calls or texts
A man who cares about you endeavours to hear your voice and know how you are doing when you are away. Don’t confuse a booty call with the care call. A booty call comes during the wee hours with minimal or no greetings, normally forthright with risque comments. This one is after sex, no love here.
But the man in love makes effort to communicate with you. He is friendlier albeit there might be some sex talk here and there but not bordering on the excess side.
He will call you when you are working and will remember to say goodnight and although the excitement might die down with time, you will always feel the effort on his side to keep the communications door open.
2. You do not know his house
When he will not show you where he lives, he might be the one that books lodges for you, or chooses to visit your place all the time. Sister, that man is not yours.
A man who loves you will take you to his place and show you off to his neighbours or parents. He will not be afraid to see you talking to them lest they tell you something you should not have known. No, they do not mind at all. So if he sneaks you in when they are not around, you are just a good time girl.
He might not be quick to give you his house key because he also got his trust issues , just be happy that at least you know where he lives.
Oh, and ensure he ain’t borrowing his friend’s crib to hoodwink you.
3. Want to hit it quick
Ever heard of the 90 day rule? If you haven’t, do your research. In other words, make him wait.
A man who just want to hit the sheets will not wait for long. He will pull manifolds of tantrums, coerce you, blackmail you and eventually disappear when you do not offer the cookie.
The man in love might also pull some tantrums but he will wait.
Just do not think that offering your cookie before your ‘deadline’ will make him fall in love with you faster. It’s just sex to him, for you, it’s more than sex. You have more to lose.
4. Emotional and Physical abuse
Love means all good things and emotional abuse, physical abuse is not any of those good things.
When a man loves you, he will respect you. He would never want to make you feel that it’s your fault he got mad. He would also never lay a finger on you. No one will disrespect you in his presence too.
If he makes uncivil remarks about your body, your dreams or what you hold close to you, then you are wasting your precious time, because a man who really cares about you supports you.
He listens as you lay out your dreams to him and urges you to pursue them. If you are ahead of yourself, he will courteously tell you to slow down since he cares about your feelings.
“My ex husband would beat me up so bad but be so remorseful afterwards saying how much he loved me. I believed him until the day he broke my eye socket.
He did not love me because if he did, he would not say the words, ‘Next time, you will lose both your eyes!’ This showed he had zero love for me.” Faith, 42.
5. Financial abuse
While you as a woman are expected to work your behind off for your own daily pizza, a deeper dig from his pocket now and then makes a healthy relationship.
A gift that does not even need to cost an arm or leg is a good thing to show love for you.
Tatiana, 24 says, “My ex always pushed the bill to me whenever we were in a hotel. I had a well paying job but so did he, yet he always wanted me to pay everything. I even paid the cab fare when we went home. One day I asked him to loan me some cash, he flatly refused. I got tired and left. He got married three months later. Turns out, he was saving every penny for his wedding.”
6.He is insecure
Although a pinch of jealousy in a relationship makes the relationship sweeter, too much of it is harmful.
Some women will confuse a man’s insecurity with love. Please don’t.
Be warned that when he bans you from talking to other men or hang out with other women because they will influence you the wrong way, there lies a time bomb ticking.
If he genuinely has affection for you, he trusts you. Although he might ocassionally hint some specks of envy when another man shows interest in you, he will not hit the ceiling about it.
Any persistent calling asking where you are, whom you are with, why you are out so late or whether what you are saying is really true is not a sign of love, it’s an obsession, and it’s dangerous.
Janet, 25, a college graduate gave us some history of her former love life while in college.
“He never allowed me to touch his phone. If I borrowed his phone, he would rather have bought me credit than lend me his phone. Then one day an opportunity to snoop presented itself and I discovered he had saved me as Gf No 3.”
Janet’s former lover did not love her. She suspected this by the way he behaved with his phone.
If he does not want you close to his phone, then he has something to hide from you, a most probable love affair.
If he truly loves you, let there be no secrets between you especially on matters phone. Does he keep away the screen pins away from you? Could he be comfortable if he left his phone with you for two days? Remember, no secrets.
8. He does not notice you
A woman in love will dress to impress her man, she will change her hair to see that look of adoration in his eyes. But what happens when the man does not notice the extra effort you made just for his eyes? 0
Men are visual creatures, they notice swaying hips passing by, a large bosom showing through a woman bending towards them or a beautiful set of teeth or amazing eyes.
You have done every woman trick to catch his eye but the look never lands on you. It’s hard to say this but it will be good to let you know that he is not into you.
“Everyone at my workplace told me how good I was in my new hair, yet my ex realized that I had changed my hair colour two weeks later with a ‘Haiya! You changed your hair!’ And that was it, not even a one word compliment. He rarely even gave me his attention but that is how he lost me to his best friend.” Kiki, mother of two.
If you urge your man that he needs to pay more attention to you (sometimes they need reminding) and he continues playing dead, let the relationship die, for real.
9.He talks of ‘I’ not ‘We’
This is the surest sign that your presence around that man has no future. He does not share your dreams of being his Mrs one day.
Why? When he talks of his future, his comments are “Mimi nikioa nitakuwa na watoto watoto wawili.” (When I get married, I will have two kids.) That statement could go like, “When I marry you, I would love to have two children.”
But the first statement was warning you that he has not decided whether it will you he will marry. One thing about a man in love, when he is sure, he will say it clearly, without any parables.
10. He will make you even google whether he loves you or not
Because you just cannot tell if this man loves you, his unsure and unpredictable stand on your relationship will cause you so much discomfort that other sources will have to give you the answers but truth be told that, if he gives you a reason to doubt his love for you, then he does not love you.
A man who loves his woman shows it clearly. You will not feel like you have to chase him or close boundaries to keep him.
He will buy time to spend with you and he will never make you feel as if he awarded you undeserved privilege by being with you.
You will not have to find out from blogs or psychics whether he is into you because he makes you his first priority, shows to all and sundry that you are his girl but most of all, makes you comfortable, loveable and happy.