Your son just got a wife and now you have a new title, mother-in-law. You could see it as just a title that you now have because there is a new member in the family and just continue with your life being the nice woman you are. Yet, you could carry that title with egoistic entitlement, reminding everyone who you are as if they suffer from amnesia.
But truth is, there’s nothing more about being a mother-in-law. It doesn’t come with special prerogatives. Sorry that hurt, but you know what they say about truth. There is a new term nowadays, for a great mother-in-law, they call them mothers in love, highly recommended for every mother in law. But you have to quit the following:
You want to control everything that goes on in your son’s house. You do not trust his new wife can do a thing without your guidance. Her way of bringing up your grand kids is off, yours is the best. Without her consent, you even shave your grandchildren’s hair because you have some bigoted beliefs. You want to be the one to decide when they should take a loan and buy a plot. You even announced that two children are not enough, you need more grandchildren!
- Leave your son’s marriage alone
- Drink some water and do not swallow it if you are burning to suggest something
- Concentrate on your own life , there’s too much to do there
2. Volunteer counsellor
You are way polite than the bossy one but you irritate as much. You give unsolicited for advice all the time!! “Do not use a microwave to warm baby’s food, it’s very dangerous!” Or “A man should only see his wife’s thighs in bed, dress well around your husband.” Is that you? Are you always suggesting better ways your daughter in law can make her marriage life better?
- Marriage does not come with a manual, and you should not be one
- Offer help only when asked
- Give this couple some air to breathe, you are suffocating them. Ouch!
You are always on phone with your daughters talking about your son’s wife. You both shrill with laughter at how she was dressed at the family gathering! You can’t help but reveal to your daughter that you heard them quarreling later in the day. You both wonder from which cave your son ‘collected’ such a woman. You can’t wait for your daughter to come over and see how your son’s wife pregnancy has given her a big nose!
- Grow up woman!
- You know karma?It’s real, wait till those daughters of yours get married too. They will be treated just as you treat your daughter in law.
- Live your life and please mind your own business. Start a hobby or something if you are too idle.
You hated that girl right from day one. There is something about her that is all red flag! You tried to convince your son that she was not good for him but he insisted on marrying her. You vowed never to step foot in their house. You can’t help but wait for something to go wrong in that marriage so that you prove you were right about that woman. You refuse to shake her hand when you meet and you treat your other daughters in law better just to spite the one you hate. You are even cold to her children, your own grandchildren! Your son lost your heart when he chose her side.
- We do not get everything we wish for. This is your son’s choice and he has made it clear to you, so accept it!
- Remove the bile within, it’s not good for your age especially.
- If you are right about the woman, leave that to destiny. It will one day come to light.
5. The mil who has never let go of her son
You still see your son as the little boy who would suckle on your breasts. He too believes that mummy is the answer to everything. He runs to you when they quarrel with the wife and cries on your laps. You still call him by the pet name. You still bring him his favorite food at his workplace. It’s clear that he and and his wife will never leave your house. And when he is away, you have to call daily and say goodnight to his family after knowing how his day was.
- C’mon! He is a big boy now, let him be!
- Push him to be a man, what happens when you will not be there anymore to make things right for him?
- The love is good but too much of something is harmful.
6.The mannerless mil
When it comes to your son, there is no borderline. You can go in to their bedroom as you so wish. Open the drawers and see what his wife hides in there. It is your son’s bedroom, after all, you say! In your mind, you see nothing wrong in commenting about their sex life, suggesting they seem to be doing nothing because you haven’t been made a grandmother yet. So mannerless are you that when you slept at their place you were eavesdropping at their bedroom door and then rushed back to your bedroom smiling proud because your son is a real bull! You are expecting little ones very soon now!
- No!No!No! You are embarrassing yourself !
- There are lanes now that your son has a wife, and you have to stick to them, please.
- If you keep going on like this, your daughter in law will lose respect for you and you do not want that.
7. The constant visitor
You are constantly visiting your son’s house in town. You came to visit your granchildren because they love to see you around. But they now have to sleep on the mattress on the floor, for five days because you took their bed. You don’t seem to have any plans to go back home and when you did, you only went because of the sick cow. You will spent two weeks at this son’s house and then another two on the other son’s and a month at the first born’s house because his house is more spacious!
- Visit often but please don’t move in unless asked.
- Don’t forget your own home
- Your grandchildren are happy around you but is everyone in the house happy at your presence too? Are their lives being disorganized because of you being around?
8. The jealous mil
You act as if being a mother is a very godly title. Yes, mothers are great human beings but for you, you are overdoing it. You are angry because the wife made you take the backseat of your son’s car yet you are the son’s mother. You want to sleep on the master bedroom because it has a big bed and the owners of the bedroom have to shift to the guest room. You are the mother after all! How could your son buy such a big car for his wife yet you, you who toiled for hours to have your son go to school only have a Vitz ! You spit at your chest at the ungratefulness of these young generation! You keep asking to be sent money to buy this and that commenting you have a right too. So, as the wife eats your son’s money, so should you.
- Enough of the drama! At least you have a car!
- Let your children live their lives, you lived yours.
- Don’t compare yourself to your son’s wife. He loves you both greatly but differently.
9. The ‘baby’ mother in law
You are the kind who wants to be pampered. A small headache attacks you and you call all your grown up children for a meeting. You want them to see what they can do about this, your constant migraine. You suggest to them hiring a nurse for you and a househelp will just be the perfect thing! If they cannot, then their wives should take turns to take care of you. You are moaning for attention, a pillow on the sofa on your back, for the back pain and one under your stretched legs. The daughters in law need to run at your beck and call before you collapse and die and there will be blood on their hands!
- You are worrying them too much. They are doing the best they can to help you.
- You need to show appreciation and ease on the attention search
- You will be alright, do not worry. You will age gracefully. Just don’t blackmail anybody.
10. The evil mother in law
You have done not so good things to get rid of your daughter in law. Like lying to your son about stolen money or lying about her being with another man. You gang up with other family members to insult her. She is also very rude and you dance when your son beats her up for being disrespectful to you. The only thing that keeps her in your son’s house is him being alive. You hate the wife the other son brought in too, she sounds proud because she has a salaried job. In fact all the wives of your sons have a problem, except you. There is never peace in your home or your sons’ homes.
- You are the problem, not them. You are the cause of trouble in all those homes. You really need to call yourself a serious meeting.
- Change your wicked ways and seek goodness.
- Instead of dividing, seek reconciliation. It’s never too late to change.
And to all the great mothers in law, stay blessed. You respect your son’s marriage and his family. You love your daughter in law genuinely and you do not question about the decisions they make as adults. You love to give them their space and you seek their assistance only when you have to.
You understand that you are no longer the only woman in your son’s life . You are a second mother to your son’s wife and she is so proud of you. She is always singing praises of you. You are not just a mother in law, you are a MOTHER IN LOVE!